(no subject)
They say the best loves are forbidden. What do they know? They didn’t feel what I felt when we were spending time together in a complete lie, both knowing it would never last, that it wouldn’t even start, both knowing that this could never be.
It was so easy to like you, it felt natural, normal, even nice. No one knew.
Why does everything that is called wrong always feel so wonderful at the time?
Why does my heart still ache when I see you sign on or when I see your name pop up, or when I look through my photos? I can’t look at things the same. I don’t blog the same anymore. I don’t feel much of anything anymore.
I know it hurts you too, I can see it in those moments where we chat for hours, and communicate too much for just those few fleeting seconds.
We can’t be friends, we can’t be together, so we remain apart. It tears me into pieces, when I think of you, which is more often than not.
No one will ever understand me the way you did. Even the girls that I’m consumed with now. You know me differently, deeper, with more understanding than I can even comprehend.
Unconditional. And I’m still here, but distant.I always will be but I don’t want to be just your friend anymore.
I don’t want to be bitter anymore. This feeling has become redundant and I’m finding every way possible to make it stop. I didn’t delete you out of anger or anything like that, okay? I’m just trying to see if what people say are right when they say “out of sight, out of mind.”
September 2009
My last letter
